This week I found myself in a situation that had me questioning my worth. So, my husband planned a spa day for us. He thought before we had our massage I could get my hair done. Walking in I immediately felt out of place almost like I wasn't welcome. I tried to shake it off -maybe it was me, right? Upon meeting the stylist, it was apparent she had very uninviting vibe about her. It was clear she was shut off; matter of fact she didn't listen to me at all. During the time I spent in her chair, she barely said a word to me. Wait, she did comment on how "quiet" it was she judged me, she didn't listen to me at all. If her body language didn't say it her face sure did. Her stand-offish personality made me feel judged, out of place, and small - which is a disgusting way to make someone feel. In the silence; I found myself questioning my whole being and if I was good enough. With every minute I sat in silence; I found myself fighting back the tears. I was more upset with myself - how could I allow her to question the confidence I worked so hard to achieve? It was then when I tried to snap out of it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me; she is what is wrong with the world. She works in a profession that gives her the tools to build the confidence of others.
I'm always the one who self-blames, I asked myself if there was something I did that could have started us off on the wrong foot. I mean, I do fall victim to resting bitch face, but I promise you I came out of the womb with this face. As unfortunate as it is more often than not; my RBF is misinterpreted. It has always been my nature study people and their body language to help me better understand them. What I do as my profession/passion may not be rocket science, however, it is one of the most a delicate of jobs. I work with fragile women those who struggle with self-love and the ability to see their value. For me, I need to know how my particular client's body language reads to know what depths I have to go to recover her from.
My clients deserve to feel at ease while they are in my studio. I try my damndest to treat people like they are equal, it is always my goal is never to make anyone feel out of place. Maybe it is because I know what it is like to be judged. Maybe I know what it feels like to question my own self-worth. Or just maybe I know it is like to be at the darkest place and question life. Either way, I am hell-bent on pulling others from the depths of hell and teaching how they are in control of their value.
I know I talk a lot about self-wort probably because I know how easy it is to be robbed of it. Seeing the value in yourself builds confidence it makes you stand a little taller and walk a little lighter. Its then when you start seeing the lessons learned from the struggles is well worth the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It takes a long time to face & fight the battles you created for yourself without then judgmental opinion of someone who has never lived a day in your shoes.
Ladies, I can tell you this; self-worth is only a struggle when someone plants the seed of doubt. Those who have yet to see the value in themselves will make you question yours. They wait until you are vulnerable with your guard down then they sweep in saying or doing something to break you down.
I, too, struggle with my own value almost daily. My job is to build up everyone around me even while others question mine. I love what I do honestly, it is what I was born to do. There are times when someone comes along questioning my worth, my art, and my time. I hear it all the time "you just take photos" or that I "just" click a button. I assure, you that might be the case for some but it is NOT the case for this photographer. My heart and soul goes into this; women empowerment is something I am very passionate about. I've never claimed to be the "cheapest" however, I invest all in my time in my craft. There is a lot that goes into each client that goes on behind the scenes. Between messages, emails, scheduling, magazines, outfit searches & suggestions, reminders, providing a lingerie closet, providing a safe place to have your session, hair & makeup, the time with me during your session, the editing process, reveal prep, reveal, ordering, and order pickup time. Like any human having others question your value can wear on you.
If you find yourself in the position you feel the need to question the worth of another being before you do, I want you to unlace their shoes and tie those bitches on. I want you to remove yourself from your life & take a walk in their shoes for just one day. It doesn't matter if you have all the money in the world or if you have none if you stripped us from the materialistic things down to the rawest version of ourselves, while it is obvious none of us are identical - we all have mind, heart, and body. We may not be fighting the same battles, but at the end of the day, we are all fighting a battle.
I hear ladies say "I can't book a session, I'm not confident enough" that is the exact reason you should book a session. Boudoir helps you discover the confidence you never thought was possible. By booking a session you are taking the first steps to regain and control your happiness. If you welcome the negative influence of others, it can be a dangerous and unfair game.
Just remember YOU control how high your self-worth bar is set.
You control your value, your worth, and your happiness no one else does.